Archie Brown Jr - Online Memorial Website

im going through all these memories and i cant help but think, why did you have to go no one was ready for you to leave. I wish heaven had visiting hours, just to learn from everything youve gone through would mean the world, ive grown alot i try my best to be like you and dad, i want nothing but to make you and dad proud. and i wont stop trying until i have done so, keep watching over me grandpa, you havent seen anything yet!! 

Hey grandpa, i know its been a while but i havent been able to tell you somethings that have happened. I miss you, we always talk about you. i keep our picture in my room for whenever i wanna see you again. one day youll get to see how far ive come. im grown up now. but just cause im grown doesnt mean im not your cowboy. ill forever be cowboy, theres no changing that. dad has carried on your legacy, hes taught me what being a brown is and i hope to carry on that name one day with kids of my own. theres so much i wish i could ask you. it hurts to think that i dont have any memories with you, but one memory no one can forget is february 24th 2006, thats the day god gave you a forever home. I love and miss you bully, one day we will be together again. all of us, and i cant wait to tell you my story. - Cowboy

Hi grandpa...its me Samantha...I miss you, And when ever I asked god to gig you...does he do it? Does he show you how much we want you back and we love you? I really can't remember that much about you...But I do remember you sometimes when they show me pictures...Every time I smile or laugh on a picture with you in it, I feel like you were the reason to always make me smile...and I can always remember that time with you...I miss you grandpa..</3. I love you...its been 8 years and I feel like its my turn to write something and put it in here...i read another memory for my mom, and she said I would look up in the sky and tel her that I was trying to look for the best star to wish you back with...I cried once I read it...But in these few years that you have been gone, some good has happened to us, like Brittney...she is dads new girlfriend...he loves her to death...you taught Dad great grandpa, he is a really great dad. Please come back, I know its to late, but I don't even remember you...</3

Here it is going on 3 years since you been gone, and man do We miss you! It's has been awhile since I wrote. The other day Samantha had all these questions about the accident that took you away from us. Here she is 7 yrs old now! All she wanted to see is the first star so she could wish you back. What do I do? They hurt as much as we do. And boy do I miss hearing "Grandpa"! And I know they miss you so much. I just wanted to let you know that we will always Love You! And we will Never forget you.

                                                  9/3/08

 

Sweetheart,

  Just wanted to write a few thoughts on this day, the day we should be celebrating our 32nd anniversary. I've kept myself busy most of the day, knowing that if I let myself think about today that I would've been sad today. I have enough sad days that just pop up for no reason, theres no need in creating another one. Besides, I knew that I would be writing you a note tonight and the tears would start flowing just like they do everytime I write you.

Babe, I miss you still so much. I know its been over 2 yrs now, but I can't help it. We belong together and I will always feel that way. I know that you are waiting for me, and believe me, I can't wait until I get to be by your side again! I've given up on putting a time limit on going through your things and taking off my wedding ring. I'll wear them for the rest of my life if I feel like it. I can't bear to part with them.

I still feel like we were all cheated, especially me in growing old with you. We had actually made plans about how we were going to spend our retirement years, and now I have no idea how thats gonna be for me. I hate being alone! Really hate it, but not enough for me to find someone else. I want you to be here! I really need you, but I guess god needed you more. I know you are up there watching out for us because everytime I get in a bind, something happens out of the blue and all my problems are solved.

Bully, I miss you and think of each and every day, all day and all night. You are always on my mind. I am definitely learning to become more independent, but there are still a few things that I have to rely on others to help me with. Alaina has become my little handyman believe it or not, she has fixed several things aroung here including the dishwasher. And I don't even know how she knows how to do it. Im sure its you guiding her.

The girls and I talk about you everyday. You always come up in our conversations. You are still a part of us and in our lives. Please stay with us, guide us, and continue to teach us to be the best that we can be.

We love you honey and always will...Dee

                                 7/2/08

Sweetheart,

  I know its been awhile since I've written, but on this day, the day your mother was laid to rest, I just feel the need to to write you a few of my thoughts.

 Today was pretty hard on your family and even though I too am sad, I know that she is happy  where she is now with you and all of the others that have passed on. I know that losing you was very hard on her and I think that it eventually contributed to her failing health. I do understand it to a point, I know how hard it has been on me, but  losing a child is something I don't think that I could ever recover from either.

 But I do find comfort in knowing that the two of you are watching us from above. I know that we will be together again someday and I know that you guys will do your best to guide each and everyone of us in the right direction to join you. I truly believe this with all of my heart.

 And that is what I remind myself in my darkest times. I miss you like crazy each and everyday. You are still always on my mind and the ache in my heart. I am still so much in love with you, just as much as when you were here with me. But as hard as it is being here without you, it just makes me want to be the best person I can be. I live to make you proud of me. I am trying to be the best example I can be to our kids and grandkids. I am trying to step in where you would when they need some guidance. I just hope that someday, they will all find love in their lives and love as deeply as we did. That to me is one of God's greatest gifts and I am so grateful to have had that with you.

I guess thats all I can write now, I've just turned on the waterworks again which is making it a little difficult to write.
I will always love you, Dee

                                            2/24/2008

     It's been 2 years already, but it still feels like you just left me. I thought that by this time, I wouldn't be grieving anymore. But that's not the case. I still feel broken, empty, and very alone.

    I am just now starting to remember things that happened during the first days that you passed. I keep reliving over and over, me standing at the gate with Yvonne, when we saw these 2 strangers walking towards us. I don't think the lady was dressed in her police uniform, but I'm not sure. The man told us he was a pastor at some church. And I had no idea why they were coming to our house, maybe to talk about church or something.  And I think I remember feeling a little aggravated that they were there. But the news that they gave us never even entered my mind as I saw them walking up to us.

    I remember listening to them telling us about your accident, but I don't think any of it registered. I remember Yvonne screaming out, No! No! No! I remember just looking at her and not saying anything. It felt like a dream, like I was somewhere else, just watching all of this happening. I do remember the lady handing me your wallet, but I'm unsure of my reaction. Sometimes I think I broke down then, but sometimes I think I just held onto it. Everything after that is still pretty much a blur. I do remember bits and pieces, but not very much.

    Anyway, the reason I'm even talking about this here on your website is because everytime that I remember something, the pain of you being gone just intensifies. Sometimes, I wish I couldn't remember any of it just so I don't have to feel all that sorrow and despair again.

    Sweetheart, I just miss you so much. There are no words to describe how much I miss you. I do know that you are still with me in spirit. I feel and hear things that let me know that you are here. And it doesn't scare me at all, that's why I know it's you. Please don't ever leave me. I need to know that you are always there to help me deal with your loss, otherwise, I can only imagine what I might have done by now. I love you babe and I always will.  Dee

Sweetheart,

  Well we made it again throught the holidays again without you. It's not easy, but we learned to lean on each other more.

It's now 2008, and I've made a resolution to go through your belongings and get rid of them. You are everywhere in our home and its not that I mind because I really rather have it like that but I think it has me stuck where I can't make any decisions about mine or the girls futures. I could go on living this way for the rest of my life but I feel like I'm holding the girls back and prolonging their needs to move on. So please don't think in any way that I'm trying to forget you, that will never happen. I'm just trying to pick up whats left of my life and move on. I know that is what you would want me to do. I'm just scared and really dreading it, so I'm going to need to rely on yours and the lords help with this.

And about my wedding ring, I've been thinking its time to take it off of my finger. Thats going to be really hard because I still feel married to you. I guess I'll just have to wait until I do the cleaning out stuff first.

Anyway babe, as you can see, I still need you, so don't leave me yet.

All my love, Dee

I just had to write you a note on what would of been your 52nd birthday. Of course you will never reach that age now and in remembering how you felt about aging, I guess that is a good thing. When I imagine you in heaven, I see you as a young man in perfect health with your perfect body. I know thats how I want to be when I get up there with you.

Fall is so hard for all of us, you loved this time of year and it has all the holidays and your birthday. Its so hard to get through these times without you.

I love you so much babe and I miss you like crazy.

Dee

Happy Anniversay Babe. All my love, Dee

Bully, It doesn't seem like you have been gone for this long, because I still remember you like it was yesterday. I wish you were here all the time. what was so important that you had to go? You know the hardest thing happened the other day when the girls hampster died, my son was so heart broken he cried so much and all I could think about was you. He understands what it means when things die. all he could do was cry. and he cryed with such emotion that it was heartbreaking. all he would tell me was "I love him momma" and that is all he would say. you know if he understood what he knows now when you passed, I don't think we could have made it through. You are the world to him and I know he was the world to you. I love you BUlly why did this have to happen to us???

Babe,

  I miss you so badly sometimes and I want to come on here and tell you but it hurts to much.

 The summer is almost over now and school's about to start. It's hard to believe our baby is going to high school, huh? She is still in her honors classes and actually aced her Taks tests last year and received an award for that. I guess we did pretty good by her. She misses you so much.

 Last week when we were in Cameron, I couldn't understand why she wouldn't get out of bed to go to the beach as we had planned. She started crying and I couldn't get her to talk to me to tell me what was wrong. I was getting frustrated and actually a little upset with her so I asked Adam to go in and see if he could get her to talk to him. He did... she felt guilty about being there without you. I felt so bad for being upset with her.

 You know, we all have 2 sides to us now, the smile we show that we're okay when someone asked us how we're doing, and the frown that is underneath it that never goes away, the permanent sadness that we feel, no matter what.

Please stay with us sweetheart, we still need you.

I'll always love you, Dee

Today, Mom and Yvonne pulled a good one on me. They threw a suprize party for me. They had this planned for a week or two. So many family and friends showed up, it was amazing. I didnt understand why they would do this. I dont think I deserve anything like that.   You know, you taught them that, to do something for someone they love and never ask for anything in return. And they did just that.                       I cant help but think of how much I miss you. I think about you everyday. And talk about you all the time.               You allways used to say I would be just like you. And I want to be so badly.      Its been almost one and a half years and its seems like for some people thats long enough to let go. For me its not near that easy to let you go or to go on. Nothing feels the same with you gone, so I change everything, and it still doesnt feel right. I know there were things we talked about if you were to pass you would want us to do. And there were things you never had to talk about, cause you knew we would take care of it.                    I never took the time to tell you a couple of things and I pray I can tell you face to face someday.  Thank you, and I love you

Babe,

  Here it is the 4th of July and we should be in Louisiana spending our vacation with Tuffy, Cheryl, & Shonie. Those vacations were the highlight of each year and we had so much fun. I don't remember exactly when we started that tradition, but we have pictures of Adam, Nissa, & Alaina all as small kiddos on the beach. I remember whoever was at our house at the time would join us also, nieces, nephews, friends of the kids, and then one by one the grandkids were born and each one took some of their first steps in the sand.

  I know this hoilday is very hard for your brother and his family, but we all have some awesome memories that we will keep in our hearts forever.

  We do plan on keeping the tradition, but we have to wait until things get rebuilt there, before we can rent a cabin. We are still planning a summer trip this year, and I can't wait until I get back there and you and I can walk the beach again...Always yours, Dee

Babe,

     I can't believe it's already the 2nd Father's Day here without you. I remember how important this day was to the kids and to me. You just kinda blew it off because you didn't want all the focus just on you, but this was our day to show you how much we loved you and how much you were appreciated by us.

    Although I did buy a gift for my father and helped the grandkids get some things for their Dad, this day was not really a happy day for Nissa, Adam, Alaina and me. Nissa took some balloons up to the cemetary and put them on your grave. Adam worked and tried to pretend it was just another day and Alaina stayed home all day not even bothering to change out of her pajamas.

    They had all expressed before today how hard this day was going to be for them and they just wanted to get it over with.

    We miss you so much my darling and we will always love you.

                                                         Yours forever, Dee

Bully, this week has been an emotional wreck for me. It has brought back so many feelings and heartache but I can say I think you were with me, in my heart. I was able to deal with it. So I just wanted to thank you. I also wanted to share this poem, I believe every word it has to say. I Love you Bully! I can't wait for the day  YOU WELCOME Us HOME.

Babe, I thought you'd appreciate this song. We sang it at your funeral and this one is performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I remember you and I singing this song at church and I would sing the soprano version while you sang the bass version.

Honey, I miss you so much. We all do.

Till we meet again....Dee

ever since you died, my hole world came unraveled. And for me it seems I'm just starting to braid my rope again. Jokingly, you would tell us, "yall are gonna miss me when I'm gone." I know that you were just kidding because all the shit you had to do for us. But now that has a different meaning for me. When I work out in the yard or in moms bathroom, I allways think that this is something you would be doing. I don't mind doing these things at all. But that same thing allways pops in my head, this is something dad would be doing or do. So, on any project that I do now, I think that same thing, and it stops me dead in my tracks. I dont know, maybe I feel like I'm taking your place in that department, and that bothers me a bit. But I really cant let it get to me too much, cause the stuff has to get done. It also makes me realize a little of what mom has to go through. Taking the same route, everyday, to drop Alaina off at school, and to take over the big and little things you would do for them daily.

          I am so proud to have parents like yall. You and mom were allways the couple everyone wanted to be. I know Yvonne and I looked up to yall, as inspiration and advice. My friends looked at yall as parents. Yall are so much better than anyone I have ever known. I love you DAD

there will never be another chance, a chance to say i love you ,or a chance to say im sorry.. but i am sorry ,sorry for you, and sorry for your family, i know you are deeply missed , and you had no choice . but we do ,and we have to live by our choices here on hell. life has not been the same with you not here,and never will.your mom and brothers and sisters are having a terrible time with the loss of such a great son, brother ,and friend. please just watch over them all and take care of them, as you have always done . tell everyone with you how deeply they are missed by your family , always loved and never forgotten.

   AJ had been asking alot of questions about where you are and I think he just couldn't quite understand the answers we were giving him until the other day. He came up to his Mom and totally out of the blue, he told her he saw you. She said she was shocked for a second because he was very serious and it was so unexpected. She asked him if he told you goodbye and he said he told you hello.

  I honestly believe that he did see you. I also think that you knew he had unanswered questions and you helped him understand.

  Sam was actually telling me the story of Jesus today since Easter is close and you were right up there with God and Jesus in her story. Her 3 spirtual advisors!

Stay with us darling, we still need you.

Love, Dee

 

I will never forget the phone call I got a year ago saying that Bully was no longer with us, and the pain that I knew would forever be felt every day, but especially on this one.  Bully, it's been a year of firsts for my sister and your kids - - the first Christmas without you, the first anniversary that Dee was without you by her side, the first set of grandkid's birthdays where you were not around to help celebrate, and a little selfishly on my part, my first time to visit your home where something new had not been made or fixed by your hands - - I missed your smile at the front door.  It's unbelievable that a year has passed but your wife and children have been amazingly strong.  I know from personal experience that you are around because I experience that with my own husband who died before you (PLEASE give Bennett a hug from me!).  I believe that your presence is felt because you are around and that you do whisper to Dee to make her smile and give her comfort.  I promise that her family will continue to stand by her and love her - - it will never be the same, but she is strong, and getting stronger every day and we all know that one day (Hopefully not TOO soon) that we will be with those that we lost and loved.  Sharon

One year later...

After so much overwhelming pain and grief and so many trys at begging God to let you come back to me, I finally get it, you're not coming back home, you are home.

 

And as much as that hurts, I know that you are always with me and you still love me. I feel you're presence all the time. I hear you whisper to me through the wind. I feel your gentle taps on my shoulder. I think I'm even starting to hear you through the radio in the car, on all stations, not just the country ones.

 

I love you so much babe.

Yours forever, Dee

 

I cannot beleive that it has been one year today. It is kinda wierd, the weather was the same one year ago. I haven't written on here in awhile but today I had to. Our whole lives changed on this day, AND WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!! I would like to thank you for the dream that I had the other night. I fealt so good the next morning. I know that you are in heaven and you are watching over us. Thank you for the hug and kiss, I still remember the sound on my ear. That is just so wierd. But I would not trade it for anything, it fealt so real! Enough about that, there are alot of things going on right now that we NEED you here for, it is so hard trying to make a decision that we would normally go to you and ask for advice but no one is there. DEE has been wonderful she really has stepped up and took the lead. I know that must be hard for her, that was always your job. I miss you dearly and I will never forget this day as long as I live. Your memory will live on FOREVER in your children and grandchildren. We love you and miss you even more.

Your Daughter-in-law,

Yvonne

On my mind today, and I just want to talk about you. We have had a few holiday get togethers and you allways seem to come up in a conversation. Especially after a few drinks, that actually used to bother me. It seemed the drunker the person got the more they thought of you, but I understand that now. As a night would roll on, more and more feelings would come out. I guess its damn good I dont drink. Anyway, I wanted to talk about you. I love talking about you. I have to catch myself, sometimes I will talk as if you were still here, or just right around the corner. I remember all the stories you use to tell me, and I actually tell my friends the same stories.